Sunday, September 3, 2017

Why You Haven't Heard From Me.

I've lost my words.

Every time I try to write something, all I do is stare at a blank page or screen, and nothing comes.  My depression has been getting worse.  I know that many people have it much worse than I do.  Frankly, that just makes me feel guilty for feeling the way that I do and then I feel worse.  I don't know why.

I don't think my opinion means much anyway.

I'll return soon; I hope.

Until then, take care.

Monday, April 10, 2017

WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME

It starts off like a whisper, and if you've never heard the song before, you have no idea that you are about to be taken on a journey.

What a great way to start an album, huh?

Bono has said that they play "Streets" when they want God to walk through the room during a concert.  My mom has argued with me that God is always in the room but I can't deny that electric feeling that happens when those opening notes of the song start.  Even when its the album version, I am taken on a journey and definitely feel at least a little bit different when its over than when it began.

Anthemic?  Sure.  

Memorable?  You bet.

Maybe they were divinely inspired when they wrote the it. 

Monday, March 27, 2017

THE TWO ANNIVERSARIES

(I tried to come up with a clever title, I really did, but as you can see, I flaked.)

As we all know, 2017 has two big album anniversaries: 20 years for POP and 30 years for The Joshua Tree.  Both have meant a whole lot to me throughout the years and when I originally got them.  

So, considering that, I have decided to endeavor in a attempting to go through their catalogues and post entries for each.  Some might be combined when its applicable (how can you combine a song from two very different albums?  We'll see.  I'm an odd gal as we all know.).

They won't be in order of appearance, because hey, why make it easy? ;) 

Monday, January 9, 2017

JT 2017 Tour: THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!

Look, if you're reading this blog, I know you're already a fan, so you already know about the tour that was announced this morning and the reason for it (that doesn't mean I won't leave this Rolling Stone Edge interview line here for you).  So yeah, this is not breaking news.

And I know there's going to be those that say the whole "nostalgia" thing and gripe about it...but look, a) I am inclined to go with the bands point of view on the record's message coming full circle but more importantly b) I freaking LOVE The Joshua Tree and I was only 6 going on 7 when it came out and wasn't even a fan yet.  My first U2 concert was PopMart.  "One Tree Hill" was a cathartic release every day coming home from junior high school.  "Running to Stand Still" breaks my heart and puts it back together again every time I hear it (lets throw "Mothers of the Disappeared" in with that one too, because I mean, come ON).  "I Still Haven't Found..." has become one of my theme songs. 

Joshua Tree was the first U2 album I ever owned.  I know i mentioned that before, but I'm saying it again.  It's what made me fall in love with the band, and I didn't get to see that tour the first time around.  Whenever one of its songs are played when I go to a concert, it hits me deep in my soul.  

So for me at least (and I'm sure there are more like me out there) its a chance to see songs that we rarely get to see live that mean so much to us and have for years, with the added plus of how they've evolved in the past 30 years.  

I can't wait.  

On a side note, I wonder if I could find a cowboy hat that looks good on me in time for June...

just kidding

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

A Christmas Post from Me *cross posted in A Wonderers Notes

I know I haven't posted in a while.

The thing is, I want these blogs to be a place of light, or at least a place where there is mostly positivity and frankly, I haven't been feeling to positive lately.  I need to find a new neurologist because after seeing the current one for almost two years he still has no idea who I am or what my condition is (and I have to remind him every time I see him). Friends from the past have moved on, and I honestly don't blame them in the slightest.  My life was essentially put on hold when I was 29 years old, while theirs continued to go on.  I may still be aging, but I'm stuck in a kind of limbo.  It is always frustrating when I can't plan for things when I don't know how I'm going to feel ahead of time.
Anyway the person I get most annoyed and frustrated with is myself.  That doesn't do my mood any good.  So I haven't been very talkative.  And well, the holidays haven't always been the best (my dad died 30 years ago this year on the 23rd.  Last year I had a spinal tap a few days after Christmas and wound up with a low pressure headache and couldn't sit up until well into January.  So those are just two examples.).  I try to have that feeling, but sometimes it seems like the harder I do, the less it comes.

But I am incredibly lucky.  Something happened a few weeks ago, and I feel the need to share it because it helps explain just how lucky I actually am.  I went with my sister and brother in law down to the Christmas Village they had set up in the city (around city hall this year, which was actually a great location.).  While we were walking around, a man stopped me and was asking me to donate to this children's charity.  When I said to him, "I'm sorry, I wish I could, but I'm on disability; I can't afford it." he looked at me like he didn't quite believe me, but still left me with a "Well, God bless you and have a Merry Christmas."

I felt a little like Scrooge from A Christmas Carol.  But, its the truth that I can't afford to help, and I don't blame him one bit if he didn't believe me, because looking down at my boots, clothes, and LL Bean wool coat, I probably wouldn't have believed me either.  But the thing is, all those things? My mom bought them for me.  If she hadn't, I'd be wearing clothes from when I was 100 lbs. heavier, I don't even remember what the coat looked like that I wore when I was that heavy, but it wasn't in great shape anymore, and shoes with holes in them.  Not to mention that I don't get enough to live on, so I would be living on the streets myself if it wasn't for my family.  For the approximately six months between when I had to leave my job and before I was approved for social security I didn't have any insurance, so my mom (and then at one point posthumously my stepdad)  paid my medical bills.

So I owe everything to my mom and my family.  I wouldn't be anywhere without them, and especially her.

Monday, October 31, 2016

THE TROUBLES (ALTERNATE VERSION)

I am my own worst enemy.  I argue with myself on a daily basis and for the longest time, that voice in my head has been a negative one that likes to point out my flaws.  

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before or not, but if I did, it needs to be stated again for emphasis here.  

There have been more times in the past where the negative voice in my head wins out over the other ones.  And you know what I mean by "voices", like in that Pixar movie "Inside Out"?  Like that.  It got so that I could only hear the negative.

So its interesting, when I hear both versions of this song, intellectually I know its about an argument between two people who have had a lot of tension between them for a long time, for me its an argument with myself and its dealing with depression.

You think it’s easier
To get your fingers out of trouble
The trouble is you
You think it’s easier
To keep your hands out of trouble
When the trouble is you


But then:

I have a will for survival
So you can hurt me then
And hurt me some more
I can live with denial
But you’re not my troubles anymore


Each time you try to fight against the negativity its difficult, because it feels stronger than you.  But, there is a glimmer of hope in the song:

I stepped outside 
Like I had never seen the night before
Looking at the stars
That never looked so bright before
This crooked heart 
It never felt so light before
A brand new man
A brand new man
Yes I am


It's still a daily struggle, and, to borrow from another U2 song, some days are better than others. 

Monday, September 26, 2016

U240

40 years.

Wow.  

I've been a fan for 24 of those years.  Sometimes its still hard for me to believe its been that long (and that the 90's were 20 years ago, lol).  Like, right now, I am the same age the boys were when they were recording Pop.  Now, I LOVE Pop.  Popmart was my first U2 concert that I saw IN PERSON (I saw ZooTV live from Sydney on Pay-per-view when they still called it that, instead of On Demand).  Ok well, two of them (Bono and Adam.).  Still, though, that's a bit of a trip.  

Anyway.  40 years ago Larry put up the notice on the bulletin board and they all met in his kitchen.  The rest is history.  They were first Feedback, Then The Hype, then finally U2.  Of course, if you're reading this, you already know that, lol.  They're not that old, how can they be around for 40 years?!?  Oh yeah, they were babies when they formed.  I mean 14-16.  I had no clue what they heck I was doing when I was 14!  Of course, half the time I don't know what I'm doing now, but that's beside the point (I'm going to blame the ADD and meds...yeah, that sounds good, push it onto something else...but it is a side effect...sorry, back to the blog).

And you know, bless youtube, because you can hear their first single thanks to them:

Out of Control

I love this song.  No really.  There were so many times I heard this and I was like, "Dude, you get it!"

Boys and girls
Go to school, and girls
They make children
Not like this one   

Yup, I always knew I wasn't like everyone else, and that one stood out right away.

I'm out of control
You say
Out of control
I'm out of control
Out of control
Out of control
Out of control

I fought fate
There's blood at the garden gate
The man said childhood
It's in his childhood 

One day I'll die
The choice will not be mine
Will it be too late
You can't fight fate 


I don't know if my life has ever been in control.  I certainly don't ever think I've had any control over it.  I've recently decided that the best idea is to just live each day and deal with everything as it comes.  At least I don't I don't owe or am late on anything or anything like that.  Trust me, my nerves couldn't take that.  

Its funny, but on each album, there's always a song that specifically grabs me. Sometimes there's more than one.  

Boy-'Out of Control' and 'The Ocean'
October-'October', 'Tomorrow' (dude, the uilleann pipes!), and 'Stranger in a Strange Land' 
War-(other than the obvious FAMOUS ones) 'Drowning Man', 'Seconds'
Unforgettable Fire- Oh Man, this whole album...but 'Promenade' and 'MLK'
Joshua Tree-can we just take a moment...this album is just...*sigh*  it is special for me, you know that, but yeah...'One Tree Hill', that song is so cathartic for me.  'Running to Stand Still', IDK why, but that song hits something inside of me that it affects me every time I listen to it. 
Rattle and Hum-Ok, IMHO this is one of their under appreciated albums.  There are SO MANY good original songs on it too.  I guess I have to narrow it down though, so here I go: Heck, lets just go with the back to back trio of 'Angel of Harlem', 'Love Rescue Me', and 'When Love Comes to Town'.  Honestly, I could probably list every one of the original songs on this album.  All I Want is You is a brilliant love song.  Ok, ok, I'll stop there.
Achtung Baby!- You probably don't even have to guess on this one: 'Acrobat'.  Also 'Ultraviolet(Light My Way)', and 'Tryin' To Throw Your Arms Around The World' hold special places in my heart.  Something just happens to me when I hear them.
 Zooropa-Oh Zooropa.  I don't know what it is about you, but you are an album that I will love forever.  I sort of didn't like 'Daddy's Gonna Pay for Your Crashed Car' for a few months, but that ended quickly and I just can't help but love this whole piece of art.  I even wanted Zooropa to be my nickname ever since 94.  It never caught on.  In fact I didn't have a nickname among friends until I got to college, but that's a different story.  But yeah, there are two songs that when I first heard the album and subsequently every time I listen to it still effect me.  They are 'Stay(Faraway, So Close!)', and 'The First Time'.
Pop-Ok...geez.  Ok, I'm gonna narrow it down to four.  This is hard though, because once again, this is one of my favorite albums (even though it has my least favorite U2 song on it-Miami).  'If God Will Send His Angels' (any version of it), 'Staring at The Sun' is just a brilliant song and is even more amazing when done acoustic, I love love LOVE 'The Playboy Mansion' and how it talks about making your dreams come true in a corrupt world (or at least that's one of my takes on it),  and 'Please' which is a great song a wonderful video performance.  One of my favorite Anton Corbjin/u2 videos.  
ATYCLB- Yeah, there are a lot of songs I could pick from this album.  There are a lot of songs on this album that mean a heck of a lot to me.  and this time, I'm really going to narrow it down to one.  Because I can't go on and on because I've already talked about a few of them on this blog before.  So that song is 'Peace on Earth'.  
Heaven on Earth
We need it now
I'm sick of all of this
Hanging around
Sick of sorrow
Sick of pain
Sick of hearing again and again
That there's gonna be
Peace on Earth

Yeah, just...yeah.
HTDAAB-This keeps getting harder and harder.  You know, Bono has said that Edge would remix every u2 album if he could.  Something about being the perfectionist.  I don't doubt that.  I get like that with drawings and paintings sometimes.  Not that I'm trying to compare myself to any of the band (that thought is laughable), but I empathize.  Anyway,  I would like to take a moment to highlight 'One Step Closer' for its simple beauty and 'Yahweh'.  I'll admit, though, I prefer 'Yahweh' live than the album version.  It just has this sweet, flowing, lyrical quality to it then.
NLOTH-This album is really growing on me more and more.  Like, initially 'I'll Go Crazy...' and 'Moment of Surrender' were my two favorites, but 'White as Snow' is something I'm really digging right now.  So there's always something new to discover.

And now of course we have:

Songs (or Son gs) of Innocence-OK, first of all, I was one of the people who was HAPPY that Apple gave this to us for free on our devices.  It was right around my 34th birthday, so its was almost like my favorite band gave me a bday gift of a new album.  That and I don't have a lot of money so yay(!) new album and I didn't have to pay for it!! (that being said have I bought other versions of it? Well, ok yes, a vinyl version, because, well, VINYL, and I had money saved up from loose change collected.).  This album is stellar.  Its fantastic.  I love it.  Its one of the ones that is on heavy rotation still.  And once again, its hard to narrow down.  'Song for Someone' once again is a brilliant love song.  'Iris' reminds me of my dad, and I even have an idea for a painting that was inspired by that song.  'Every Breaking Wave'...just wow.  But ok, ok...'The Troubles', sonically, that song just gets to me.
Somebody stepped inside your soul
Somebody stepped inside your soul
Little by little they robbed and stole
Till someone else was in control

With that heartbeat drum in the background.  Chills the first time you hear it.  And Adam's bass line is a nice surface for Edge's notes to float over.  I love how I sound like I know what I'm talking about.  I don't, but that's how the song sounds to me.  Its like I'm trying to put the song into visuals because that's the only way I can explain artistic things.  

Ok, wow, I really didn't mean this to be my dissertation on all the albums.  I guess I just got started and the rambling took over.  If there's one thing about us U2 fans, its that we all have our own opinions, many of us are passionate.  A lot of us have big hearts.  

Some of us have been around the whole 40 years.  Some of us have only been around for 40 days.  You know what?  It really doesn't matter how long you've been a fan.  Do you love the music?  Does it touch you in some way?  Does it help fill that hole inside, wherever it came from?  Hey, guess what, you're a u2 fan.  

Welcome to the tribe.